The grief is real. The struggle is real. How do you explain to your friends and loved ones that the pain you felt over 2 months ago can hit as raw and as real now as it did then? They’ve forgotten; they think you’re ok. But you are not. Or rather, I am not. This is not a cry for help but rather a moment of vulnerability and honesty. Grief is a very painful reality for me and can often prove difficult to live with, and when everyone else forgets about your struggle and assumes you’ve moved on, what then? I’m also curious, how do you let God into your grief? I’ve tried so hard, over and over and over again. Yet I still struggle. And I continue to find myself with intense pain in my chest as I try to suppress the unwanted crying that results from the random bouts of being overcome with emotion. I can’t just let myself cry as it comes, not when I’m at work for 8 hours, not when I’m out and about with my friends. Surely I am not the only one who deals with this. If you’re struggling with grief, I’d love to hear what you are doing or have done to help heal. What you are doing to let your Heavenly Father have a place in all the messiness that life is. Though I have learned a lot, there is still so much I don’t know. Please, let’s grieve together.
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Hi, Cammie!
I smiled ear to ear while reading the last snippet of this...because YOU are talking about the things that no one wants to bring up! I think our society has taken grieving from being a "norm" to being something that is frightening, not okay, shows a sign of weakness, etc. It always breaks my heart when people refuse to grieve because our society shows us that it's just simply not okay to do that anymore. Nowadays, our society pushes us to find numbing agents to deal with our emotions, instead of actually dealing with the issue; going through the emotions.
I think it's first important to understand that God created grief. God gave us emotions and situations that allow us to express what he so generously gave to us. I say that to people going through a hard time and they always look at me confused. "Why would my God make me hurt?" But I don't see it like that. I see grieving and/or other hurtful situations as humbling experiences. I truly believe that God gave us grief so that we can appreciate those happy times a little more. Not only do I believe that grieving is a humbling experience, but I also believe that God gave us the gift of grieving so that we can remember the community that he has placed around us. In this time of despair, look to your brothers and sisters in Christ. I always remind myself that Romans 12:15 isn't in the bible for no reason. "Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn." Romans 12:15 reminds me of OUR role that we have in the community that He gave us. You have a HUGE community around you; we all love and care for you so much, Cammie.
Here's my last little piece of advice: give yourself the time you need.
We are so consumed with being okay ALL. THE. TIME. Why? Because that's what society tells us we need to do 25/8. We don't want to admit when we've had a bad day, bad week, bad month. Nobody wants to say anything because we don't feel like that's accepted. Another issue: we compare ourselves SO much. SO, SO much. During this time of grief, give yourself the time that YOU need. Not the amount of time that your friend, mom, dad, or siblings needed to grieve - but the time that YOU need. You can't compare your time of grieving to someone else's. What may take one person a week to get over, could take you a month AND THAT IS OKAY. We need to express those emotions because if we continue to hold them in and try to act okay, we find our ways to push it deep down and ignore what we are feeling with our "numbing agents". You can do this, you just need to give yourself the time you need to feel better. No one is against you, no one is judging you, everyone is WITH you, HERE for you. We love you sooooooo much!
P.S. When my grandmother passed away, I struggled immensely with figuring out how to deal with grief and a mentor of mine recommended buying a book about grieving as a Christian. There are so many and they really do help. Reading about someone else's experience really builds a connection and encourages you to keep pushing. Knowing that someone else went through the same thing and now feels free really reduces a lot of heartbreak within yourself.